Hi, Linear

Hi, Linear. I see your update notification: "Reload the page to get the latest update." No, I won't reload the app. I've already reloaded it, very politely I might add, three times today already.

We have package managers for a reason. We even have app stores for a reason. If you want me to update your app so bad, why don't you try making real software instead of this browser-based garbage? I'll update your app when I fucking choose to.

You know, back in my day, we had things called "standards" for such basic things as app updates. Software shouldn't make you miss the Soviet Union. Linear doesn't even give version numbers for its updates. I bet if it did, the internal Semver patch numbers would be higher than my cholesterol count.

Why are there so many goddamn updates anyways? Linear is just a glorified issue tracker that uses third-party services for all the actually important shit like hosting code, managing PRs, and running CI.

Linear Release v2.5.2544:

• Increased RAM usage from 2GB to 3GB¹
• Shrunk the notification panel by 0.1em after three years of A/B testing
• Fixed bug where UBlock Origin disables the embedded Bitcoin miner crucial telemetry plugins
• Upgraded minimum user specs from two forehead wrinkles to three

The only legitimate explanation I can come up with for why Linear needs to update so damn often is that because if it stopped receiving updates for how to interact with GitHub's proprietary, third-party API, it would stop working completely after like three months. Of course, GitHub is more responsible than to design so brittle of an API, so I find it easier to much believe that Linear's codebase is held together by duct tape.

How many updates do you need to get a fucking Kanban board to work?

Garbage. Junk. Worthless.²